Recto-based organization looking to supply LTO with license cards

In an unbelievable twist, the United League of Unauthorized License Manufacturers Organization, an association of of Metro Manila's finest replica license makers has just announced that they are open to suppling the Land Transportation Office with license cards.

Speaking today, April 1, from their association's secret headquarters at Claro M. Recto Avenue in Manila, the group comprised of the finest forgers in the country said that they are concerned with the rampant shortage of Driver's License cards with the LTO, and have pledged their services for motorists nationwide.

"We at ULULMO understand the plight of motorists and new drivers having to pay a fee for license cards but not being able to get them due to problems with supplies," said Ms. Faye Kaye Lang, ULULMO's official spokesperson. 

The association pledges that while the licenses they have supplied the motoring public are technically fake, they can mimic the real thing; they even go so far as to say that their versions are better since there are so few of the real ones in circulation.

ULULMO's Chairman, Mr. Ja Peks, says their business has seen an exponential rise since the LTO has been having problems with the supply of cards. Duly licensed drivers who have been issued receipts have been coming to them in droves to have their information printed on a plastic card. 

"Our capabilities when it comes to printing license cards is excellent," said Mr. Peks. "We use the same machinery used by legitimate suppliers, as well as the same equipment used to print your S&R Membership card, your SM Advantage card, and more. We are confident that we can meet the LTO's needs for license cards and be legit." 

The group is also looking to acquire machinery to stamp out license plates as their staff of plate forgers cannot meet the demand for their hand-crafted fakes due to the lack of license plates. 

"When you come to Recto to source your unauthorized license or document or plate from any of our members, we make sure that you get what you purchased within the same day. That is our service guarantee," continued Lang. "And so we pledge our services to the public to solve this seemingly unsolvable problem starting today, April 1, 2017."